after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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