I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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