I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
