so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've blown a few things in my day
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
