i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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