That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
