I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
