Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just pee around me
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
