Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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