am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
