just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
