he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
