Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
