you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
