when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
