mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
