you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
