thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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