Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize