So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
