Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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