Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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