i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
