you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
