he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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