i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
