unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
