im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
