my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
