You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
