all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize