The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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