sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
My bed smells like the plague
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
