yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
