Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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