U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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