Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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