Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
