I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
