I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
