i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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