woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
