so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
