i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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