Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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