Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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