And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
