Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
