We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
