the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Too much gin, very little bucket
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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