I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
