So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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