please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
