Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
