i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
