The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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