before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
