took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
