Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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