i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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