So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
