Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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