I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
