Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
