East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
