omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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