I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
bring money and cleavage
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
