my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
