I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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